Trump Caught Stealing From Babies!
by Chelsea Wasmanning, MSDNC
This just in. An un-named but reliable source reported that Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump was observed not once, not twice, but perhaps as many as a dozen times taking candy from toddlers. Most of these stroller-bound victims were minorities, or girls, or both.
Several years ago, as their distracted mothers paused to text while taking their progeny on a walk through New York's Central Park in broad daylight, the real estate mogul was seen creeping up on the sleeping infants and removing lollipops, red vines and other sweets from their tiny clutches. There is also at least one unconfirmed, but probably true, report that Mr. Trump surreptitiously snapped upskirt photos of one tyke's mom as she bent over to pick up a dropped sweater.
"It goes to character," said Gloria Allred, when contacted by this reporter to learn whether or not she had tracked down any of these victims in order to represent them on the TV News, I mean, in court. "It shows how low he will go in order to get what he wants, no matter who he hurts. I will be making a statement later this week if I can find any of these victims to exploit, I mean represent."
When contacted for her response to this bombshell, his rival Hillary Clinton claimed she hadn't started this rumor, I mean heard of this outrage, and could only offer this brief analysis: "Deplorable, just deplorable!"
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