The CIA. Other topics discussed.

[ichi the killer]

People are so primitive. OK. So the CIA infiltrated Al Qaeda and thwarted an "underwear suicide" bomb plan. Bravo! Is not this the same CIA Who a couple weeks ago got busted in Columbia for getting in an altercation with an escort over the price of fucking? The girl wanted $250 and the CIA clown gave her $30. So; she called the Brazil police. Big scandal. News Flash! Cops are mongers! This girl is on international television talking about what idiots those CIA clowns were. It sure makes me feel safe now that I know guys who can't even monger right are looking after my safety.

People are so primitive. If you read about paleontology, biology, you read that the earliest forms of of primitive animal life found in fossil state were like nematodes, Worms, tubes. Take nourishment in one end, waste goes out the other end. In one end /out the other. Later they developed motility to move themselves toward pleasurable stimuli, like escorts, and away from unpleasant things, like police. Those Cia agents were not even good worms. Worms would have avoided the Brazil police.

The nemotodes, our early ancesters, probably experienced life in an existentianalist way. Much like us humans. After all the pomp, arrogance and grandiose ideas are put to bed. That is what we are: Tubes, nourishment goes in one end and waste goes out the other. We are born, we live, and we die. In a few years nobody remembers us after we die.

I go to church with my wife. I sit in the Korean church and take in the grandeur of the spectacle. I have gone in there dressed inappropriate before. Cut up muscle shirt, jeans. I am a showman. They think I am a freak. Lately I decided to conform more to their code. So, I wear a nice shirt and pants shave shower and look as good as I can. I don’t want to disrespect them in their house of worship. I am sometimes sweating in Church through my shirt because I go for morning PT run 3 miles before the church. I am hot from the run and all the hormones I take. Still I go. To hear what the Pastor says.

My wife notices that I don't really conform to the etiquette when I am in church. I read the Bible in the passage that they are teaching that day. I listen to the talk through translation headphones. I try to see the logic of what they are saying. When it comes time to pray. I sit with my eyes open and just look around and think. I don't put my head down and pray. Everyone else in the house is praying, why not me?

Choi asked me that: Why do you not pray? Maybe if you ask God for help He will help you? You shoud try it sometime. Why do you go to Church? Do you believe in God?

Truth is: The main reason I go with Choi to church is because I think it pleases her. I want her to be happy. I trip on the scene. I try to believe. I look at all the fine Korean girls in their Sunday best. I listen to the Choir. {they are quite good if you are into that sort of thing.} There are Korean movie star girls in the crowd, Choi points them out to me sometimes. Look, that girl was the heroine in "A Bitter Sweet Life" do you remember her?

I told Choi "I try to believe. I wish I could believe. I just don't know? I like the show. I look at the K girls. Maybe I don't believe. But I try." I wish there was something better in life than just being a worm. But I am not sure. Most of the tangible evidence that I find in my studies of people seem to point to my worm theory. Sorry.

[Velovelo]

Let’s clear up the news first. The guys in Columbia were Secret Service and military, not CIA. They were an advance team to establish the logistics and protection of the President for his trip. Prostitution is legal in Columbia, and no one broke the laws of Columbia. This broad was taking advantage of the guy and tried to blackmail him. Street girls are $10. Club girls are $25 to $50. An agency booking for a girl with top fashion model good looks is $110 tops. This girl is typical of the $25 variety.

The lesson here boys is never take a woman to your hotel. Don’t tell her what you do, just say sales or consulting. Don’t go in a pack, someone will squeal or try to blackmail you.

Now on to the spiritual side.

I don’t have a strong feeling of any kind of God. I often wonder what the people who do practice the liturgy of religion get out of it? Is it a feeling like you get when in love and your love is returned? I have never felt that in any church. I do know there are a lot of people posturing like they know and understand it. I find it rather silly Christians who number about 2 billion consider their 2,000 year old society the beginning of everything. They are less than a third of the nearly 7 billion living on this rock. We know the rock is 6 billion years old, and human remains from 3 million years ago have been found. Islam is a few hundred years younger than the followers of Christ, and they consider everyone else an infidel. Go figure.

I do feel when we start our life journey we are little more than an alimentary canal (look it up) with a loud noise at one end, and no responsibility at the other. As humans though we have self awareness and can build our character as we get older. We can easily become civilized (meaning living in cities) but it is more difficult to become a humanitarian. It is so simple to understand because it is part of us, but very difficult to explain with words. I think that is because it involves very little action, but a lot of internal feelings to follow the golden rule of being nice to others. If you can do it without expectation of reward, and the recipients are thankful in their hearts that is the best. It can be as simple as handing a buck to a kid in the candy aisle or as important as delivering hot meals to the elderly.

I think sitting in church and listening to the sermon can be uplifting at times, or it can rage the fires of contempt when the message is against what we know inside our hearts.

There is more to life than being a worm. The “more” cannot be given to by others or their beliefs. You must be self-actualized and behave in a way that is supportive of your true self. I think a lot of religion is an easy way to explain how to live to those who cannot seize the reins of their own existence. It does take some considerable inner inspection and contemplation to be your own man and demonstrate the existence of a spirit living through your thoughts and deeds.

The unfortunate part is when you are dead, your journey stops. There is no after life. You linger in the memories of those you leave behind, but soon they also shuffle off the mortal coil.
The Roman poet Horace is credited with the phrase “Carpe Diem” meaning seize the day. This is part of a line that means you should put little trust in the future and live for today doing what is your highest purpose. That might be enjoying the pleasure of a compensated woman.

[hornyag101]

I think a lot of religion is an easy way to explain how to live to those who cannot seize the reins of their own existence.

Velovelo, I have never heard religion explained that way but it is very well said.

Most people are sheep and need someone to show them the way, religions fill that void for those people. Not everyone who attends church is that way of course, I know Ichi is a free thinker so that is why he struggles with religion but does the right thing by his wife. It's also a social interaction and many attend for that aspect as well which is understandable.

Personally I don't belong to any religion but I would if it involved worshiping the female form, a beautiful female body is a temple that I like to enter.

We are not worms Ichi, at least not until they put us in the ground.

[CumInYourFace]

i likee that columbian whore

[ichi the killer]

Yeah, i thought she was doable as well.

[ichi the killer]

Quote: [Now on to the spiritual side.]

I don’t have a strong feeling of any kind of God. I often wonder what the people who do practice the liturgy of religion get out of it? Is it a feeling like you get when in love and your love is returned? I have never felt that in any church. I do know there are a lot of people posturing like they know and understand it. I find it rather silly Christians who number about 2 billion consider their 2,000 year old society the beginning of everything. They are less than a third of the nearly 7 billion living on this rock. We know the rock is 6 billion years old, and human remains from 3 million years ago have been found. Islam is a few hundred years younger than the followers of Christ, and they consider everyone else an infidel. Go figure.

I do feel when we start our life journey we are little more than an alimentary canal (look it up) with a loud noise at one end, and no responsibility at the other. As humans though we have self awareness and can build our character as we get older. We can easily become civilized (meaning living in cities) but it is more difficult to become a humanitarian. It is so simple to understand because it is part of us, but very difficult to explain with words. I think that is because it involves very little action, but a lot of internal feelings to follow the golden rule of being nice to others. If you can do it without expectation of reward, and the recipients are thankful in their hearts that is the best. It can be as simple as handing a buck to a kid in the candy aisle or as important as delivering hot meals to the elderly.

I think sitting in church and listening to the sermon can be uplifting at times, or it can rage the fires of contempt when the message is against what we know inside our hearts.

The unfortunate part is when you are dead, your journey stops. There is no after life. You linger in the memories of those you leave behind, but soon they also shuffle off the mortal coil.
The Roman poet Horace is credited with the phrase “Carpe Diem” meaning seize the day. This is part of a line that means you should put little trust in the future and live for today doing what is your highest purpose. That might be enjoying the pleasure of a compensated woman.] [/quote]

The problem that I am having is: When I was young I very sure that there was no God, and all that stuff was bullshit. How would a mortal man know anything about the "here after" more than me. Have they been there? Not yet.

Religion is good if it makes the practitioner of said religion feel better. "Opiate of the masses." That said. Now days I am not so sure there is not a "God." I really just don't know anymore.

If there is no God: Why put a value on ones behaviour towards others? "Carpe diem." Why not just fuck everyone bad and take what you want? There is no value "good" or "evil" with out somekind of supreme being.

When I was young I really did not care if i lived or I died. I had numerous motorcycle accidents. One of them put me in a coma for 5 days. I was not afraid at all. I took many big risks, I did many drugs with no fear of overdose. I just did not give a shit.

In my life I have seen a lot of death. Both at my job and in my personal life.

One thing that shaped/changed my life. Kind of made me care maybe just a little bit more, was my younger brothers suicide. He killed himself over a very deep depression and a sense of "lonelyness." He was having trouble with his girlfriend, he was living in Santa Barbara 40 miles away from his circle of friends. He killed himself on Dec 31. He was 23 years old. The day before his before his death he had lunch with my mother. They had a heart to heart talk. He made no outward "suicide gestures." In fact of the two of us, he seemed like the stable one and I was the one who was going to self destruct/die. My brother was clean. No drinking, no drugs. He was working in hospital and going to college. He just did it one day. No warning. He was a tough guy. Tougher than me. If he resolved to do something he had terrific follow through.

On the day he had the lunch with my mother, Dec 30th, he told my mother "Mother, I am lonely in this life." My mother told him something like this "William, in this life you are really always alone. Don't depend on others for your happiness. They will only hurt you." He told her: "I am sorry Mother, I don't want to live like that." She did not take that as a threat of suicide. He seemed rather peaceful/happy and not sad/emotional at all, my mother told me.

The next day he was dead. I remember going to his apartment with my mother to gather his things. It was very surreal. In his room he had a supply of anabolic steroids. Dianabol, testosterone, nandrolone and a estrogen blocker.Indeed, that was my first exposure to them. I took them home and later on I tried them. I liked them.

In my life ever since I was a young child, I have always felt alone in life. Me against the world. My father used to beat me. I am sure that shaped my personality when it comes to dealing with the world. When i first went to kindergarten they actually sent me home till the next year. When the teacher walked up to me at my desk I put my hands up and ducked my head down "peak aboo" style like I was about be hit. That got their attention. I learned that from my father. Get your chin down and your guard up. Be ready to defend yourself at all times. It hurts to get hit in the face. My mother was at work when this was going on. . My mother did not know. The school had protective services check me out and I had bruises behind my ears from being struck by that bastard, my father. He was beating me and fucking a couple of my sisters. Since I would guard my face, he would "rabbit punch" me on the ears and behind the head. When she found out she wanted to kill him. 6 months later my mother divorced that son of a bitch. I was pleased when I heard that he died. They told me it was a bad death. I did not go to see him and I did not go to his funeral. Cancer ate him to the bone. Rot in hell mother fucker.

It is hard to live like that. I am like a gladiator. "One day you will be older and weaker, gladiator, better stay sharp or you to will fall. You live by the sword, and you shall die by the sword." Except for Choi and my 2 dogs, indeed I am alone. I don't consider the people I work with "friends." I throw out a minimal amount of charm, enough to get by. I never/ever hang out with them. I am "night world." What a weirdo. I never tell people this stuff except you anonomyous mongers. I keep it all on the inside. I told Choi some of it before. She had a hard life in Korea as well. Choi relates better to people better than I do. I can "fake it" very well though. I should have been an actor. No one sees the real me. It is mostly all a role I play for the public. Nobody gets through my facade. Actor. I don't know where in life I picked that skill up, but I think it happened around junior high. I learned you can get by if you make them laugh and you fake it.

When my mother died 18 years after the death of my brother, I held a death vigil at her bedside in the hospital. I was there for 3 days. I saw it all. At first she was fairly lucid. As she was slipping into delerium I asked her if she was afraid? She told me "yes, I am scared." I told her "sorry, I'm sorry you are afraid, I am sorry that it has come to this, try not to be afraid mother, I will join you soon. We will be OK." Later, about 1 day later, she slipped deeper into delirium and her eyes changed. She had a wide eye look to the ceiling like she was looking at something "beyond" that was so awesome words could not describe it. She was not afraid at that time. She seemed peaceful. She began speaking in metaphor about "going home." I remember she said something to the effect "It is time for me to go home now. Let's go son." She slipped into coma soon after that and then it took about 18 hours of agonal respirations, she died at about 4 am at night. My 2 sisters were there drinking sake. I was sober at the time. I had quit drinking since the death of my brother, 18 years. I did not start drinking again till about 3 years after she died. I also did not buy another motorcycle till after she died. I vowed after my brothers death that I would survive my mother. I did not want to let her down like my brother did. She took his death very hard and to her grave. It hurt her very badly. So, in a way my brothers death was a catalyst for me to straighten myself out.

i think the thing my mother was most afraid of was being alone. That was why I did not leave her until she died. My mother was Catholic and later renounced that religion. She took me out of the church and told me it was all a bunch of shit. And so I thought. Until pretty recently. Now I am not 100% sure.

[hornyag101]

That's pretty deep Ichi.

I appreciate your honesty and opening up, it takes a lot to do so even if it is anonymous. You have been through a lot in your life and have grown through these experiences to be a better person. Some would say you turned out for the better by the Grace of God, I say it was your intelligence and common sense that has brought you this far.

I was brought up Catholic as well, my Mother still is. I do find it the most reprehensible of all the religions as it is the richest who pretends to follow the word of a poor carpenter. Show me a place in the Bible were Jesus talked about wanting to live in a palace, sit on a thrown, wear colorful costumes, adorn himself with jewelry and a wear a big hat. Sounds more like a Friday night in West Hollywood than a Church. I am sure there are passages that talk about Jesus sitting on a thrown in Heaven, but not on Earth.

Greed truly is the root of all evil, the Catholic Church being one of the richest organizations in the world makes me question there motives.

[ichi the killer]

sorry, i trip when I'm taking lot's of hormones Hornyyag. I kind of vomit through my finger tips and write too much shit. sorry about. everyone has a sad story i am sure and mine is mostly intersting only to me. I know that.

I found the true secret to getting giant muscles. I learned it at the last contest I did in April. Actually there is more than one thing that I learned. it all clicked. i been doing it since April because I am not on such a hard restrictive diet and I am trying to put on muscle for my next competition. I have put on 15 pounds and my strength has shot up.

1. You can get results if you inject steroids into the "target" lagging muscle. It makes the muscle swell up and the testosterone, nandrolone or what ever seems to linger in that muscle which helps to make it grow. All these years I never believed that worked. I am doing it now and I was wrong. It fucking works.

2.If you load your self with protien as in branched chain amino acids, creatine eat good carbohydrates, and meat egg whites then inject 20 units reg insulin with meals to facilitate getting the Protein, creatine, glycogen, amino acids into the muscle cell. That is the secret. The big pros do that. Steroids and insulin. they work together. I am just as strong as a bull now and my wife is mad at me.

She does not like for me to look like this. People stare at me and it makes her uptight. "ichi, stop the insulin. You look like a monster, like godzilla and it makes me shy to walk around with you. go back on a diet. i don't like you when you look like this. I liked you better cut."

3. High pulls are very good to increase your powercleans. I never really got into high pulls before. i broke through a sticking point on my powerclean yesterday. I cleaned 275 pound 2 times yesterday. I am a monster.

[hornyag101]

I knew someone who came back from a 6 month duty at China Lake when he was in the Navy. There isn't shit to do out there so all he did was work out and take steroids. He came back looking like Godzilla too, I was stunned for a good 10 minutes when I first saw him as he left cut and looked about twice the size, no joke. He was just a huge walking V and I don't mean vagina. I have actually never seen someone that huge before besides the Wieder Vegas show I went to but you expect that there. He actually got off the steroids and brought him-self down a bit but he was never the same cut style he had before. He told me about people staring at him and it made him a little uncomfortable now that he was off the base and in normal public. He really did look like some kind of super hero. It was the most insane transformation in such a short time that I have ever seen in my life.

I went through a transformation my-self once but it wasn't on purpose. I had a house I needed to get ready to sell and I was just starting out so I was doing all the work on the re-model my-self. I spent everyday at that house after work and on the weekends for about a month or 2 and was taking Ephedrine by way of Stacker 2 to keep my energy level high. I was already in good shape, about 5' 11" 190 when I started but I was working so much and couldn't keep my calorie level up that I dropped down to 165 in 2 months. I remember a friend asking me if my fucking finally caught up to me as I was rail thin. I remember the look on friends and family's faces when my weight was so low, they were shocked. A bunch of them probably thought I caught the HIV as they all know how I like to fuck anything with a pair of titties. Once the house was finished and I got off the Ephedrine my weight came back to normal and some people told me about there concerns. One part of that rapid weight loss though was on Stacker 2, I was horny all the time and my girlfriend was living with me then. Even when I was getting home late every night we normally fucked at least 2 times a night and once more before I went to work. One time I got home at 10PM and we fucked 5 times before I had to be up by 5AM to get ready for work. Ephedrine was insane as I could go on 2 or 3 hours of sleep a night and still have boundless energy. My girlfriend actually lost weight during that time as well and when she had to go out to take a break I had a couple of other girls ready to fuck. I am not sure I have fucked so much in a 2 month span than I did then, lucky my heart didn't explode!

[ichi the killer]

Yeah, I take ephedrine too. When I was dieting hard I was taking lasix/that’s a water shot makes you lose water, Thyroid t3 pills, makes your metabolism go fast and ephedrine 50 mg shots I mix that with whatever hormone I am injecting that day. The ephedrine gives you intensity to work out. It feels good for sex to. You get chills down your spine from the ephedrine. Now that I am on a size diet "more carbs and calories" I still am taking the ephedrine just because I like the way it feels. You can get the pills online. I get the injection from "secret source."

I feel a little fat now, but you simply can't put on size and get cut at the same time. You can't put on weight and takeoff weight at the same time. Well you can, but it is called "stay the same." some of the pro bodybuilders get as fat as whales in the off season between shows. I don't want to do get too fat, but I can't be ripped to shreds all year long if I want to improve my weak parts. I am going to do this till July then start the hard restrictive diet again for a September contest. I learned some new things; I am going to put this stuff to the test.

Choi likes her men skinny and muscular. She is mad at me now. She says I have to give her my insulin. So I switched it in into a bottle of saline. I took the saline out of a vial and put the insulin into the saline vial. I put the saline into the insulin vial. Sneaky dog! That is an old classic "drug stealing" trick used by drug addicted nurses to steal drugs of abuse. I am going to quit the insulin in one month anyway. Can't do that shit and restrict carbs at same time. Too dangerous. I should have used insulin before. That shit works. I am as strong as fuck right now and just one month ago I was as weak as water.

I benched 405 for 2 reps today. I have not done that in a long while. Like 3 years ago. It is the combo=heavy lift/ testosterone like hormones in high doses/ insulin with good nutrition. Training/hormones/nutrition. One alone will not do it. Insulin goes under nutrition. It is like nutrition with a nitro booster, you know like a hot rod car.