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It's tough to quit when...
I try not to picture myself getting old doing this but it gets really tough. I'm not referring to massage parlors but rather hooking up with non pro girls under arrangements.
I want both sex and companionship equally but this hobby only offers sex, no true companionship. When they leave and the door closes, I feel no better than I did before. I'm not married and date very infrequently. Not by choice, I do my best but I can't seem to find a woman who wants to be with me. I'm not hideous, I'm above average with a good personality and am stable. I wonder sometimes if this hobby is a crutch but there have been times I've stopped for a while and focused on trying to create normal relationships but nothing clicks right. I also find I'm not attracted to women who aren't thin, good looking and healthy no matter how great their personalities. Maybe I see most women the same way the see me: nice enough to talk to but not sexually attractive. Regardless, I've had a hard time my whole life finding companionship. It's just too easy to build up a pool of cute young girls who are willing to set up arrangements with me even though they would never be interested in me outside of such a thing. The cost is so much less than regular dating as well which makes quitting even tougher. Just today a new girl I met was supposed to come over for just light fun (nothing serious and I certainly didn't think so based on what I offered) but we barely talked for a couple minutes before she started ravaging me. As if she hadn't had a good fuck in ages. Not just pure fucking either. Desperate French kissing, slipping into her uncovered, riding me without tiring, hugging & grabbing, running her fingers through my hair. I gotta tell you this fucks with your head. This kind of stuff happens and it makes me feel like they can't control their attraction or desire and then of course eventually they leave and the only way I'll see them again is another arrangement hookup. All of them better actresses than Oscar winners. Yet it doesn't in any way seem to help me with everyday women I meet, all it does is make me feel good for a short time and I'm still left craving companionship. I feel like I only have 2 choices. No sex and no companionship versus at least just sex. Then I picture myself getting older and older and being alone until the day I croak. It's a miserable feeling. I wish maybe I could discover a way to find similar arrangements with similar girls but without the money so that there's at least a chance to turn things into something more. If anyone has any tips for me or any idea how I might be able to correct my course and find something real. 
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#2
May 29th, 2012
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Hmmm, I doubt your alone, probably would not hurt to seek professional help since your brother mongers are in a silmiliar situation. Bottom line, you want your cake and eat it too. Only the fortunate get the hot, life long companion. But even that sexual relationship diminishes over time. I have found, as I age, my bar lowers...maybe those gals with great personalities, but not as hot as you want or have fantasized about become a viable alternative? Have you asked yourself what you bring to the table? Once you work on your body, looks, dress, personality and finances...and you still cant get what you are looking for, you need to work on your game. Game NOT being pickup lines, but maybe your circle of social activities? I dont think quiting this hobby will help you in your quest for your dream partner. Sometimes its better to stop looking and let it find you...
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#4
May 30th, 2012
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Obsessive - it's obvious that you've never been married. You don't say how old you are, but count your blessings you don't have a bitchy wife that's going to take half your stuff when you leave her.
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#5
May 30th, 2012
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Quote:
It's an interesting take on the hobby, but it runs deeper than what providers can offer. I'm afraid that whether you stumbled upon this hobby or not, you'd have similar issues in regards to finding an ideal woman. The thought of no sex and no companionship versus at least just sex, is extremely defeatist, and speaks more to your, for lack of a better word, "game". Like aloha said, you just have to find venues, or social activities. You seem to have found success in your personal life, and dating is not unlike that. You have to put yourself out there and create opportunities. An opportunity rises where you may not be entirely comfortable, go anyway. Parties where you don't know anyone, a function within your field where you can mingle - dive right in. Join social groups. Have a hobby? Find groups online and elsewhere, and join them. Work on yourself. Be yourself. It definitely comes easier to some, but that just means you have to work harder. I don't even think this is the answer you're looking for, but I think it's the input you need. Good luck.
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#6
June 1st, 2012
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Quote:
I'll get to your suggestions in a moment, vinn_rock. I'm primarily referring to meeting non pro "civilian" girls who are open-minded enough to do this sort of thing. I don't see them as hookers and they have normal lives where this is not a primary thing for them but clearly if money was not part of it they wouldn't be coming to see me at all. Sometimes I blur the lines and spend time with them "off the clock" when we get to know each other better. Sometimes I find out I'm the only man they hook up with this way. Still, it's not real companionship or anything truly real, there may be some trust and openness but there is no real intimacy and no real relationships. At best it's friends with the extra part but only if cash is involved, even if it's a pathetically small amount of cash. Without any real relationships outside of this it hits my self esteem in the gut and things just feel empty. Some have mentioned that marriage isn't what it's cracked up to be. I get that. I'm not even thinking that far along. I'm trying to figure out how to get out of this lifelong slump being unable to have a normal relationship with a woman who wants to be with me out of choice. I'm trying to stay anonymous but I am in my thirties and have been doing some form of the hobby for about 10 years. Initially I saw high end escorts but after a year shifted away from that because no matter the pleasure it was all too fake and scheduled like dental appointments. Then I found my way to similar forms of indulgences and eventually learned how to meet the exact kind of non pro girls I like using online resources. I've kept thinking for years that I might be able to use the know-how to find a girl I like where money is not part of it. It never happens. I just am not able to quit it because I crave something, even if it's temporary. I don't know how I could emotionally survive if I didn't have at least this. Regarding the suggestions, I'm old enough to have tried so many of the suggestions mentioned, all of them I would say. It may be that I don't try hard enough but I'm not sure what it means in those situations to try harder. Whenever I pursue, the women just lose interest even faster which makes me feel like a pariah and discourages me. Not that I'm saying I give up quickly but when you have a lifelong experience of that kind of reaction even when otherwise you are a normal guy and acting normal it makes the process daunting. As for broadening the kind of women I might be interested in, I can't fight the physical attraction part too much. I need to feel attracted to her to have other emotions attached, it's something I am not able to get around mentally. I'm not saying I'm only interested in models or "10" in looks, but at very least I want the woman to take care of herself and be conscious of her own efforts to look good.
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#7
June 1st, 2012
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Hey Obs, a couple of things stick out in my read of your piece. First it does not matter the relationship with a woman, money is always what women trade for sex. The question is how much are you willing to spend. Next the relative attractiveness of the woman is important, it is natures way of helping us chose where to deposit our goods. I don't buy the bullshit line of "she is fat and homely, but has a wonderful personality." I find over and over the 8 to 10's are the ones with personality.
What you need to do is capitalize on the womans lack of esteem. I like back handed complements, like "You do an awful lot with what nature gave you." You need to be a bit of an asshole too. Don't put up with their bullshit. Don't let them know where you are. Don't give gifts, or answer their calls right away. If they text, ignore it. Never take a call on the weekend. Let them think you are busy, and hard to get. Let them think you have money, even if you don't. You never spend it on them, but they will chase you if they think "there is a weenie at the of the street." Always take them to their place to fuck, or a motel. Never your place. That way when you're done you can towel off and leave, get home and watch Sports Center before bed. None of that "Take me to breakfast" bullshit. If you take a woman out for drinks and she takes a phone call, or runs to the ladies room when the phone rings, get up and leave. Let her find a way home. What she is doing is lining up the bad boy she is going to screw after you picked up the tab. They are lookng for a bad boy to take them, they are not looking for a nice guy who treats them like a princess, smothers them with gifts and compliments, or is always available to be a lap dog for them. What they want is a man to tell them that you are going to spank them, and they will be excited to take off their panties and let you do it.
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#8
June 1st, 2012
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Quote:
When I'm assertive or don't let a woman walk on me, it doesn't help and just makes her ditch being around me even faster. When I'm an outright asshole, I not only lose her interest but her circle of friends too. I'm not being nice, either, I would say I am neutral in that I only do positive things for women who do positive things for me - which is almost never. Another thing, particularly what I quoted from you above about the notion of fucking them and leaving them. If that's what I wanted then I would be happy with what I'm doing now which is finding young hot girls and only seeing them once or twice a week for a couple hours to hang out and fuck and the cost is not huge. What I really want is genuine companionship from a girl who I would want to fuck and who also wants to fuck me, even if we don't fuck all the time. Definitely that doesn't have to be marriage, just a normal healthy mutually equal relationship. I don't even care if she clings on partly because I can provide resources like any man really should be able to, so long as it's not me literally handing over cash for every time we fuck. I'm tired of coming home to an empty house. I'm tired of experiencing an existence where the only sex I'm getting involves a financial arrangement and never includes anything except temporary physical pleasure. I'm a smart guy and it's possible I over-think. Clearly I am doing something wrong, there is something about the way I behave or look or connect with women that holds back on something I desire, or even the desire itself is holding me back as I may be projecting. The difficult part is that I can't see what it is. Maybe what would help is for me to ask others to describe how they got into genuine relationships in the first place? I don't mean "I met her through friends and we started dating." I mean like "we seemed to get along and I finally got her alone by whistling dixie and then when it seemed like she was laughing really happily to a joke I leaned over and kissed her. She dodged but then I wanked my toodlepops and showed her my tattoo and leaned in again and she finally kissed back. Then we fucked like banshees and so on and so on." Maybe it sounds stupid to ask about this but what I'm looking for are details that contradict my intuition about what I think is normal versus abnormal in the real ritual of how people hook up and not some bullshit that people might talk about or movies might portray. What I'm looking for is to understand what happens when two people are alone that shifts things from platonic to sexual. It can't be just about making a move, or is it? Always making a move no matter what? Presuming if I manage to get a date at all and end up alone to always make a move and, even if rejected, try again & again? I feel like I've already gone through this enough and experienced so much rejection that my body doesn't act even when my mind wants to - because I'm trying to avoid the extreme emotional pain of rejection.
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#9
June 1st, 2012
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Have you tried match.com or that other one?
Im sure there are many gals in your same boat. Its not easy out there to find your mate, but hang in there! Sometimes its good to right down the exact mate you want, specific looks, hobbies, activities, etc. From there develop a game plan to meet that woman. I can tell you two great places I meet gals...Hot Yoga Classes and Sushi bars! I wouldnt make a move on the yoga gals until after several classes. I usually try and park next to their car after the third class and strike up another conversation in the parking lot. I just bought my own Yoga mat this afternoon! That should tell you it works well... At sushi, I frequent several places that I know the person that seats you and they sit me next to single gals, when I buy the chef a beer, I buy the girl(s) a bottle of COLD sake. Many only get the hot ones, then I explain to them how the cold brew is much better than the cheap hot stuff. I have gotten many phone numbers and even two different drunken threesomes at my local sushi bar!
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#10
June 1st, 2012
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I like your suggestions, aloha21, Yoga was floating in my mind as an idea and I won't look foolish being there as I've gotten more fit recently. Classes of varying kinds are another idea but it might be harder for me to meet women who take care of themselves.
I tried match.com years ago. Nothing came of it. Women filter out men more brutally in online personals sites than anywhere else. When they can easily require any men they consider to have to be 5'9"or above I don't even show up on their radar. I tried doing the contacting as well, in an entire year on match.com I managed 2 actual conversations with women and only 1 meet which the woman never showed up for. I've been trying other sites in recent years like Plenty of Fish and OK Cupid. The only women rarely who contact me from such sites are cows. I get almost no replies when I do the contacting.
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