Book of Mormon

[bonehead2]

I took my wife to see it last night. Was thinking, I'm glad Romney is on the sidelines, even though I voted for the champ. Not an Obama fan, but anyone who is so brainwashed to follow that religion for an extensive period of time needs their head checked. Some numnut from Rochester telling you that Jesus Christ came to America?!?!
ROFL

[ichi the killer]

Religion is fine if it makes people feel better. I dabbled with religion and I think I kind of understand a little about it now. Basically religion is supposed to help you feel more secure about your own impending death. When you are contemplating your own death, i mean really looking at it, it is very difficult to think that you are all alone. Easier to think that there is God with you and that there will be something in the here after.

When I was young i did not care about life and death. i would die for nothing. I truly did not care. I used to ride my Suzuki 1200 down the 101 freeway at speeds of like 150 miles per hour drunk and high on speed/meth. I would go surfing in huge stormy seas where i had no business being out in that water. Waves like 15 to 20 feet. Stupid and no fear. When i think of some of the things I did in my youth I shudder. Now that i am getting older actually sometimes I get anxiety as i contemplate my own demise. Funny how when I was young I did not care.

I think of the people I grew up with. Many of them are dead. I wonder what it is like for them now. I wonder how they handled their own death. I see people die all the time at my work. it looks pretty easy. Of course everyone has to dance their little predeath dying dance. Then they are gone. Natural.

My younger brother commited suicide on new years eve a long time ago. This time of the year is always very dark for me. I can't help but think about him around this time. I never tell anyone. Just you guys. He was 23 years old when he died. So he cut a few years off his life. In the long run does it matter? Do I feel sorry for him or for me? I wonder about these things sometimes.

Some people take religion and twist it for their own worldy agenda. People are generally not good. Some of them are good. They are a minority though IMHO. Religion is OK, it is the people who twist religion that make religion bad.

[bonehead2]

Wow Ichi, really sorry about your bro. 23 is way too young, especially with drunks and obese people beating the odds and still kicking it in their senior years. I agree that religion is good; it is a very sad and hopeless place to believe that we are here and then the lights go out and then its all done. All of this suffering and no reward after, yeah that is a sucky feeling. I would not like an Atheist President, I just can't understand how a guy can fully commit to a faith with so many dogmatic questionable stories. I am on the broader spectrum of belief, yes there is someone out there, but I'm not going to judge others that don't believe in all of my "truths" about my newage religion. I do appreciate that Romney himself didn't shove his religion down our throats, but I know many Mormoms who do. Many of them are pious and judgmental. Romney knew better not to show that side of him since he was on such a public stage. However, after seeing the play I was relived that Obama is our representative to the rest of the world.

[Dilly Dilly]

WOW that's a HEAVY story Ichi. I am not one to talk about religion. I HOPE there is a better place where one day we will all see are loved ones again.
Only time will tell if there is a better place or not.

[Lector]

the true religion of the mongerlord:
you die and arrive at a door with a red light, and the mmsan introduces you to your 24 K-doll virgins. Then you find out you can trade too...

[ichi the killer]

Anyone ever look at the K-pop girls groups like "Girls Generation"? Or BOA. I am such a pervert.

[ichi the killer]

Yeah, I dwell on dark things too much. I don't know why I do that. it does not help me. I wish I could change that one aspect of my personality, I would be happier from it I am sure.

[ichi the killer]

I was always a risk taker, even when i was a little kid. I remember when I was in 2nd grade I used to catch venomous spiders [black widows, brown recluses] and take them to school. i would handle them with my bare hands just to freak out the other kids. I never got bit. Now i am scare to fuck of those things. sometimes i see spider bites at work they can be very nasty. Black widows are extremely venomous. Brown recluse will fuck you up with a big necrotic abscess.

We [me, my brother and another kid named "Daniel"} used to steal ammunition from the stores like Sears. back in those days it was not hard to do. We would make shrapnel pipe bombs and detonate them in an orchard behind the house. Daniel is dead as well, he got stabbed to death in ventura a long time a go. Drug deal gone bad. we also had an incindiery type device that had white phosperous and gasoline mixed together. {The phosperous was from rode side flares that we would steal from the stores.] I was down for anarchy even when I was a little kid.

[needasianspinner]

Ichi, I always appreciate when you bare your soul. Good stories.

My best friend from grade school is dead now. We started smoking very young, maybe 4th grade. Started getting high after 6th grade, which was a big deal in the late 70's. Things got out of control and and we couldn't spend time together anymore.

Years later I read an article in the paper. My friend was in the morgue for a few years (maybe no backlog). They eventually figured out who he was and released the information. He father was a politician, so it made news.

Years later he was caught in a stolen car and decided to take the high-speed pursuit route. Eventually decided to end it by going head-on with another car. He killed a mother and her child in the process. Very dark time for me. I spent time trying to understand what would bring him to that point. Still don't know.

[ichi the killer]

I think largely it is a young man testosterone thing. I did not even consider the other people when I would speed my motorcycle on public streets. I knew I could get killed but I gave other peoples lives no consideration. Now that i am older, I still consider suicide from time to time. I have dogs and a wife. I can't kill myself. Who will take care of my dogs? Choi could probably manage, but it would be a big mess for her. i don't want to do that to her or to my dogs. They are good dogs. Things get bad, if you wait, usually I have found things will improve. I had to get old to learn that one.

I asked my sister one time if she knew why my brother killed himself? I really could/can't understand it. Between the two of us, he seemed like the stable one. She said she really did not know. It was just another horrible scene from a horrible time. I don't know if he was trying to hurt his family or not. One thing for sure, his suicide date is a "gift that keeps on giving." Every Dec 31 I think of him. His ghost returns to my head. I usually work every Dec 31. To make money and to keep myself occupied. "Idle hands are the devil's workshop." This year is no exception. If I don't work I usually do a bunch of sedatives and drink myself to a coma on Dec 31. My wife Choi's birthday is Jan 1st. Choi's birthday is like the sunrise following the darkest night. Dec 31 to Jan 1st. Just have to survive the night of 12-31. I am sure glad I found her. I love Choi.