I can't get my mind to feel that cold.
I'm used to sleeping alone but I don't want to. I go to parties and events for friends and family alone but I don't want to. I want intimacy but you can't share thoughts or get unique female affection with a dog. Maybe it's the way I grew up neglected and isolated which makes me desire that side of things so much.
I hate when people around me (friends, family, coworkers) wonder if there's something wrong with me that I'm not "with" anyone as if it's by choice or that I'm flawed. I know it runts through their minds. I've sometimes asked friends to set me up but inevitably they provide a half-assed effort because they know or realize what they don't want to say, that I'm cool to talk with or fun hang out with but women don't fall for me. At best they try to pawn off the worst of their friends. I may not be a stud but I know objectively I'm a 7 who presents himself like a 9, but they try to stick me with 4 or below. Women who should be on a treadmill every day and do something with their life other than get drunk and expect society to support their bullshit. I've worked my ass off to be as good as I can be and set up a life of stability even coming from a childhood of near-poverty and isolation, I damn well should not have to compromise significantly on my choice of women. I'm not looking for supermodels or rocket scientists but I would at least feel like I deserve a women almost my equal and as far as I can tell my main flaw is this invisible thing, maybe my demeanor or confidence or esteem, which is lacking.
I'm looking into therapy options, I don't even know what kind of therapy. Shit it costs almost as much as the hobby. I'm appreciative of the practical suggestions so far. I don't want to knock anyone who's given feedback but do want to say that the whole "be an asshole" or "get a dog" type advice isn't really helpful. If that stuff were really true I'd be happy right now but I'm not.
I'm hesitant to describe specific experiences which might help highlight issues and hindrances I've run into but I'm concerned about privacy, and maybe those things are better shared with a therapist. I think I'll need both therapy and to follow some of the advice given here about scenarios to better meet women through. I say I'm a 7 who presents himself like a 9 but deep down in crowds with other men around I get feelings of inferiority and the times I have been alone with women where most people might think it would lead to something good I hesitate too much and I think because I second-guess or fear rejection too much. These things need therapy. It won't help if I meet 100 new women tomorrow if I don't know what my true issues are or how to fix them.
|