Quote:
Originally Posted by ichi the killer
I act like that to Kid. I do acts of kindness and maybe I will be treated the same [karma] I am not sure there is karma unless I count, as you said, that I feel good myself doing the kind act for someone or something and that is the reward. Feeling good about myself. Like my little facebook friends over in the Philippines. Maybe they think I am such a standup guy. A real saint. Then again maybe they just think I am a rich American lonely heart sucker. Most people tend to believe the latter. I don't know. Maybe it is all the roids and growth hormone I am on that make me think of these things. Maybe it is a biological clock type thing "get ready sucker, you are getting old for real, you time is coming for real." I never had this feeling in my teens twenties thirties, maybe it started a little in forties. Now I am fifty and I think of this stuff some times.
I see many people die at work. I go to the emergency room when they call a trauma. I go there to assess what is going on and whether I think the victim is a surgical candidate so I watch the action to see if the trauma surgeon can keep this person alive long enough to bring him to the operating room. I sit there impassively and watch the drama unfold. That is part of my job. I have to see if the person is a surgical candidate. If they die in the emergency room then obviously no surgery for that person. I see people die and it does not look like any big deal from where I stand.
Same thing in surgery, sometimes we can't save the people. They die. I see the whole thing. We do what we do to intervene but sometimes you just can't save them. Again it does not seem like that big of a deal. The dying person usually does not seem that upset about it when it gets to be that time. They just "go"
I used to play suicide games on my Suzuki 1000 superbike when I was young 20's. I was aware that I could get killed easy doing that stuff. I used to ride it over 100 miles an hour on the freeway while drunk and high. i really did not care. I had no fear of death. Now i have to admit on some level I am afraid to die. That is a new thing for me. i never felt like that before in my life. I don't know why the change. Maybe biology?
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Maybe now the fear of dying stems from having people that rely on you. What would they do without you? I was the same way...never gave a shit if I lived or died. Kinda still don't however, I'm sure if I was put int the situation where I was about to die I would fight like hell to live...if that makes sense. Now that I have people that are counting on me it is different. Now I am loaded up with life insurance just in case....LOL