Obsessive - get a therapist. I don't know how young or old you are, but a lifetime is not enough time to truly understand ourselves or the women we fall for. A good therapist will help shorten the "learning curve" and will get you on track for success much faster than trial and error. I am not opposed to trial and error, in fact it is the best way to learn. But if you can't get relationships started, then you are never going to learn.
It sounds like even if you did get a decent girl into a relationship, you would start sabotaging. A therapist will help guide you through the learning process. And remember, most people are not very good at learning to be in healthy relationships. So give yourself a break.
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